暴れ熊、横澤だ: 一週間

hottiemceditorpants:

abareguma-yokozawa:

hottiemceditorpants:

Fine—continue to live in your delusional world, see if I care. And wow, I’m fucking sorry, let me bake you an apology pastry for daring to rag you for being a workaholic during the one week a year they practically kick us out of the office.

You were exposed to that energy for one day; I’ve had experience in handling it for ten years now. Pay attention, young man, and you just might learn something. I fully intend to pace myself in that park—wouldn’t want to be sapped of stamina that might be put to better use that evening, after all.

And don’t fret too much over it; if you don’t show up in something appropriate the day-of, we’ll stop at the first souvenir shop we can find in the park and get us all three matching outfits. Hell, we may do that just for fun.

By the way—while we’re on the topic, you should stay the night at our place before so we can all head out together. It’ll be a bitch trying to track you down at Maihama, even if you do stand out with your adorable bearish features. One less thing to have to worry about.

What the hell kind of a vacation is one where you don’t get to spend part of it naked? Are you even Japanese? A place for children, sure—I’m just considering going the making children route.

Given your cooking skills, it would mean even more to me if you just stayed out of the kitchen. Even Hiyo doesn’t need as much supervision in there as you do. If you want to give me an apology pastry, just buy one from a bakery. But even then, you should know my workaholic ways won’t change. You said that was fine with you, after all. I don’t need to change on your behalf.

I think the best way for me to learn how to deal with an overexcited 10-year-old princess would be to observe her father’s exemplary parenting skills in action for, say, three days. I find I learn much better by watching rather than doing. So feel free to show me just how best to handle Hiyo at Disneyland. If you tire yourself out along with her, I’m sure I’ll be able to manage just fine on my own for an evening or two. No need to worry about me.

In order to avoid having you buy us matching outfits, I will be sure to pack plenty of appropriate attire. You and Hiyo are free to match to your hearts’ content, though I’m pretty sure that even at her age, she’d think that was lame.

If you promise to stop calling me adorable, I think I’ll be able to head over to your place the night before. Masamune’s coming to pick Sorata up that day anyway, so I’ll be free to leave after he comes to get him. I’m sure Hiyo will be raring to go bright and early the next day.

Oh, about that… I’m not quite sure how to break it to you, but we never talked about making babies before. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that kind of commitment, Kirishima-san. And I’m absolutely certain that I’ve got the wrong parts for the job anyway. So I’m afraid all that time you were planning on being naked would be better spent in the shower instead. By yourself, in case you were thinking otherwise.

You know, just because I said you don’t have to change, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look at yourself and deem aspects of your personality change-worthy. I will still love you just as much even if you don’t shower for three days, but let’s be reasonable.

And man—you just fucking watch. I will parent the shit out of my child. You will see my skills, on display for all to marvel at, and be properly cowed. You’ll regret this challenge, Yokozawa Takafumi. I have ten years papa-ing experience, and it has served me well. But don’t think for a moment that any amount of being dragged around by Her Majesty will sap me of energies for other activities after the Royal Bedtime.

Hiyo loves me—she would never think I was lame (…would she? Fuck…). So fine, if you want to be an edgy little special snowflake and buck our trend, feel free to do so. You can carry all the souvenirs.

Rest assured it will be a chore to hold my tongue from commenting on your endearing personality and physical features, but we must all make sacrifices. Hiyo’ll be bummed she won’t get to see the cat all week, but hopefully the vacation makes up for it in some way (though you may be obligated for more-frequent-than-usual visits to our place to make up for it in the weeks thereafter, just a heads-up).

Come on, have a little more faith in yourself, Yokozawa-san. You’re a fabulous mama bear already, I’m sure if you just try… And if things don’t work out, well at least we’ll have fun in the attempt.

Does it really matter that much to you if I’m a workaholic? It gets me out of having to do too much overtime so that I can spend my evenings watching Hiyo when you get stuck at the office late. Just because I may not be able to get one day off, you go and act like this happens all the time and it’s the worst thing I could possibly do. Even Hiyo was more understanding about it.

There’s no need to rub it in my face, Kirishima-san. I know you’ve got far more parenting experience than my meager few months. That was never up for debate anyway. Just, if I were you, I’d be prepared for my beloved daughter to want to spend more time with her oniichan than her papa. And after chasing Princess Hiyo around the land of enchantment all day, it’s entirely possible that I might be the one sleeping like a log. You’ll just have to make do by yourself.

It’s time to face the painful facts: Hiyo would think you’re lame. You can’t honestly tell me that you don’t remember one time growing up when you thought your parents were lame. You may very well be the only one decked out in Disney duds.

Fuck you, my physical features are fine. And if you have anything contrary to say about them, you’re gonna be entertaining yourself for a lot longer than this vacation. Given the amount of fun Hiyo will be having at Disney, she probably won’t think about Sorata at all. Whether he’ll miss her or not, I’m sure Masamune will let me know when we get back. I’ll make sure Hiyo has a very happy reunion with him, so don’t you worry.

I’m not a ‘mama’ anything! And if nature has anything to say about it, I plan on keeping it that way. You seem to be good enough at making babies, though. Maybe I’m the one who needs more practice.